Humpty-Dumpty and his Infallible Fall

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king's horses and all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

The fall took Mr Dumpty's breath away! Actually, in his entire life, that is, these four lines, he never suspected the fall. He knew wall rhymes with sall, mall, pall, even crawl (never thought of crawling on the wall as well as falling from it). But this fall, the obvious tragedy of his humpty-ness and dumpty-ness… Wasn't this fall taught at his school? Or has he actively lost touch with this obvious reality?

The wall was not there, you see? Take any illustrated version where Mr Dumpty has been depicted. Does he look like anyone who can climb a wall in the first place?

Mr Dumpty, well-versed in various philosophies, medicine, and then in vogue astronomy, even the dubious trade of astrology, found his way into the court of the greatest emperors of Europe, built a fortune, built this wall.

This wall is also a monument to his philosophical contribution. His metaphysics is one of bricks. A three-dimensional object that rarely allows anything but a cubic, simple form, that is mostly red in colour, that is made of mud. He proved that brick is our ultimate destiny. Even a tree, over time, will be fossil fuel that we will use to make more bricks. Bricks and walls, and they folded in layers to build more complex structures, structures we care about. He was so good at explaining this; soon, 'putting things in a straitjacket' became 'making brick out of it'. A phenomenal breakthrough in the world of philosophy!

Therefore, for the first few years of toil, he collected bricks, a lot of them. Most are made of mud, some are of gold and silver. A renowned philosopher by then, he started to build his wall, depicting his life through the lens of his philosophy. He built every layer under his feet and climbed higher. His books are bestsellers; a steady stream of bricks and subsistence has been shipped to him by the publishers. Philosophy became very profitable to him.

His fall, consequently, became a great sensation. To this day, we can read numerous theories on why he fell. But even a fool can see why. Bricks are straight, cubic objects where Mr Dumpty's inherent curviness can never really settle for long. A wind here, a mild earthquake there, even adjusting his breeches, all come with a possibility of unsettling, agitating his core— a yolk that works as a gyroscope, a yolk— which happens to be an irregular sphere.

While the fall was a mundane, even hilarious event with a muffled sound of SPHATT following the fall, it sent a ripple of earthquake to the European intelligentsia. The men who came on the horses are knights, and some of them are doctors and philosophers, members of the Royal Society— knights of extraordinary intellect.

He has been collected to a bowl, true, but that is the extent of the physical care that has been given to him. You see, all curviness is just transitional shapes, not worthy of our investigation according to his theory. Therefore, how tragic, messed up, and above all, gooey might his situation be, all efforts were put to his psychological well-being.

Firstly, they named it the Great Fall, which is not a misnomer considering everything. The yolk started to rot and disintegrate, and became greenish. That didn't deter his followers, though. They found the perfect theory, with a long chain of causality to describe how Mr Dumpty will eventually be a brick, and the disintegration of his yolk is the deconstruction that is most important for his transcendence. Moreover, we have to do away with the yolks anyway. Mr Dumpty will live beyond his life, as micro-particles of lime in the brick of the next age, a martyr of brickism.

We don't really know how Mr Dumpty processed his fall. He was obviously surprised. Then he might've felt it like a tragedy, like an irregular line of bricks in a wall. But his demise made many haters happy. First among them were the potters. They were tired of making only rectangular pots and tumblers. Artists started to take liberties with form; poets started to experiment with irregular meters. Philosophers, geographers, and mathematicians rediscovered the wonderful world of curves. Many a Church's domes have been reshaped into domes instead of large cubic blocks.

The world became infinitely complex to calculate with curves, but infinitely beautiful to look upon.

That is why, when one stupid bloke of a soldier tried to propose a way to put Mr Dumpty together, he was muffled using a gag and sent to the dungeons until all was settled.